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It’s hard to believe that our little book on not biting is celebrating 20 years in print! Back when the book came out, my son was two and my daughter was six. Yes, we had biting incidents to deal with! And Teeth Are Not for Biting was born.

Now a new generation of toddlers is ready for their turn with the book. Katelyn Martens-Rodriguez is a children’s librarian and mother of this little cutie (see photo), Kyogen Joaquin, or KJ. Like many toddlers, KJ lives life full-throttle, rushing from one activity to the next, eager to explore. He doesn’t need teething to slow him down!

Katelyn says, “Teething has been a long journey for KJ, who has been drooling on and off since he was 4 months old. He has been inconsolable a handful of nights due to tooth pain. It’s easy to tell when he’s teething—KJ’s cheeks redden, he rubs his gums, and he pokes at the back of his mouth.” Sometimes, when he’s tired and teething, he bites and Katelyn has to say, “Teeth are for food, not mamas.” KJ knows to ask for ice, teething toys, and popsicles. But the biting? It happens fast. Toddlers tend to bite as a result of pain, frustration, or just to get a reaction.

I love knowing that parents and educators still reach for my book when biting episodes inevitably crop up. Child-development expert and early-childhood educator Sara Erickson has used Teeth Are Not for Biting with toddlers and their parents to help put words to children’s experiences when they’re learning not to bite.

Below, Sara shares her advice for handling those “Help—I have a teething toddler!” moments:

• Stay calm—young children are only beginning to learn how to handle their bodies and emotions. You may feel triggered as a parent if your child bites, but try not to get too angry or worried. Practice keeping your own emotions in check before you respond.
• Stay factual—narrate what happened without shaming the child. Saying “You put your teeth on his arm and that hurt him. He’s crying because it hurt,” tends to work better than yelling or scolding. You can also suggest words that might have helped with the problem that led to the bite. “You wanted her to move away. You can tell her, ‘I need space’ instead of biting.”
• Care for the person who was hurt—use gentle, factual language with the child who was hurt as well. If possible, allow the child who bit to see you comfort and care for the person who was hurt.
• Be a detective—what happened just before the bite? Was the child overtired, overwhelmed, frustrated, in a small space with others, or in pain from teething? Use those clues to help you watch for other moments when a bite might happen and calmly help meet your child’s needs before they become too much. Supporting a child before they bite and teaching them other ways to meet their needs is often the best way to get a child to stop biting.
• Use your words—an important message in Teeth Are Not for Biting is that simple, positive language can help us through struggles and upsets. The book encourages parents not to yell or use scolding phrases like “No biting!” or “Don’t bite!” A gentler approach keeps everyone calmer. As parents or caregivers, we often tell children to use their words instead of biting, but it’s helpful when adults use their words too. Children who have been exposed to more words[1], especially about emotions[2], regulate their emotions better, even if they do not use those words themselves.
• Know when to step in—it’s easier to offer support when emotions are rising than once they overflow. If conflict is brewing or your child is in a situation that tends to lead to biting, calmly move close to your child. You might use simple, factual language to narrate what is happening without judgement[3]. You could say, “You wanted that block, but he is holding onto it. He is pulling it away and saying no.” Allow children the chance to work things out together, as long as everyone is safe. Children often solve problems more successfully when we slow down and put words to what is happening.
• Model self-regulation—your child is always watching what you do and say. If you’re struggling with the emotions that biting can provoke, talk with other trusted parents or caregivers. Most people who care for young children have experienced the biting issue, and they may be able to offer support. And remember, toddlers are just starting to learn how to handle their emotions and their bodies—and that’s a big adjustment! Give your child (and yourself) grace as you figure it out together.

One last thing…you’re not alone. Parents everywhere deal with the biting issue. One such parent posted this photo on Reddit, noting the fine sense of irony their child was developing. The photo made it all the way to The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

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[1] Vallotton, C., & Ayoub, C. (2011). Use your words: The role of language in the development of toddlers’ self-regulation. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 26(2), 169–181. https://doi.og/10.1016/j.ecresq.2010.09.002   

[2] Senehi, N., Brophy-Herb, H. E., & Vallotton, C. D. (2018). Effects of maternal mentalization-related parenting on Toddlers’ self-regulation. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 44, 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2018.02.001 

[3] Lansbury, J. (2019, April 26). 5 benefits of sportscasting our child’s struggles. Elevating Child Care. https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/04/5-benefits-of-sportscasting-your-childs-struggles/  

Confession: I’m writing this with three screens in front of me. The laptop I’m typing on, the phone I’m using for an interview, and the iPad playing an episode of The Office like white noise. (The fans blowing in the room aren’t blocking out household sounds, so the folks at Dunder Mifflin are helping do the job.) I suspect this will be a familiar scenario for many of you who are working from home. Screens are our routine.

And now our children have screen routines of their own.

Over the past year, many children relied on screens for learning and for staying in touch with family and friends. With so much time spent indoors avoiding crowds, kids also turned to screens for much of their entertainment, which increased the number of hours spent gaming and going online. Families now must adjust, figuring out summer screen rules for kids who’ve become more dependent on technology while also becoming more independent in their use of it.

How do you tell kids to cut down on their technology use? How can you do it convincingly if you’re in front of a screen yourself much of the day? It’s not easy.

My eight-year-old nephew and his parents are dealing with this problem. Lucas’s dad, Charles, discussed how he’s noticed that his son has spent so much of the past year on his iPad that he’s lost some of the social skills he was gaining at school and in team sports. “Now Lucas always talks about how everything is boring,” Charles told me. “The iPad kept his attention and now he wants it all the time. Lucas sets up two screens, one for his video game and one to FaceTime a friend playing the same game. It’s social, in a way. But maybe not the best way.”

Lucas’s mom, Erica, also faces the frustrations that come with their son’s gaming fascination. She said, “Lucas loves watching YouTube videos of gamers playing games while loudly commenting on every move!” Setting time limits on his video viewing leads to conflict, and sometimes she ends up just giving in after a long day of work. She’s learned that the best way to get Lucas to give up the screen is to have something planned to get him out of the house, like a game of tennis or a trip to the park. This is the point in the interview when Lucas himself chimed in: “She bribes me with Robux too!” (Robux are in-game currency for the game Roblox.) He then told his mom he’d give up the iPad for a week if she’d buy him two million Robux.

It helps to have a sense of humor about it all.

I’ve been writing about social and emotional learning (SEL) issues for years now, and I have a new set of books called Screen Time Is Not Forever, with a board book for toddlers and a more in-depth paperback for kids PreK-3. I wrote them for kids like Lucas, kids who love their tech but need limits so they still make time for friendships, fitness, and learning. (I’ll try to keep my sense of humor when Lucas tells me my new books are boring.)

As parents, we need lots of tools in our child-raising toolbox. As we help children move past the pandemic and find balance in their day-to-day activities, I think it’s important to keep our messages to kids positive, not punitive. Screen time isn’t “bad”—it’s a fundamental (and fun) part of modern life.

How can you present screen-time limits in a positive way?

Put real-world experiences first.

Have a daily routine that focuses on play dates, exercise, outdoor time, and face-to-face interaction. Marieka Heinlen, the illustrator of Screen Time Is Not Forever, has stuck to the idea of keeping screen time to a minimum by setting a good example for her two kids. Marieka said, “I’ve always wanted my kids to spend a lot of their time outside with friends or doing creative activities with their hands. We really try to spend time as a family off screens, just having fun together. Now that my kids are older, setting this example—as much as possible—has paid off.”

Make a family media plan.

You can check out the website healthychildren.org by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) for a family media plan that suits the ages of your children. The site allows you to customize items that apply to your kids and how you want media to fit into their lives. Another option is to keep things simple by making a screen-time schedule for your child each day.

Put computers and televisions in a shared area of your home.

This way, you can monitor what your child sees on screens and be part of the experience too.

Create screen-free zones.

Experts suggest having tech-free zones throughout the home so children and adults have places where they know screens stay off. For example, maybe you decide no tech at the table during family meals, or you make a rule that children can’t have screens in their bedrooms.

Monitor your own screen use.

Check in with yourself to see how you use screens in front of your children. Do you text instead of play with your kids at the park? Are you on social media while your kids are in the room with you? Do you have the TV on in the background as you go about your day? We all do these things at times, so the goal is not to feel guilty. Instead, just ask yourself if there are behaviors you want to change.

Think quality over quantity.

Some days, you may need to let your child spend more time on a screen than you’d like, but that’s okay. Look for high-quality educational content, or seek recommendations from Common Sense Media, where you’ll find age-based suggestions for television, movies, games, and apps.

Remember, it’s okay for kids to be unplugged—and bored. That boredom can lead to creativity and innovation once children get used to going tech-free at certain times of day. Have a go-bag of items such as toys, books, stickers, art supplies, and sports equipment at the ready. Get outside together and have some fun.

And if all else fails, there’s always the Parental Controls feature.

Elizabeth Verdick has written children’s books for kids of all ages, from toddlers to teens. She has worked on many titles in the Laugh & Learn® series. Elizabeth loves helping kids through her work as a writer and an editor. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and their two (nearly grown) children, and she plays traffic cop for their many furry, four-footed friends.

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“How to Set Positive Summer Screen-Time Limits for Children” originally appeared at freespiritpublishingblog.com. Copyright © 2021 by Free Spirit Publishing. All rights reserved.

My favorite photos of my little sister’s preschool years are the ones where she has food on her head. Spaghetti, chocolate ice cream, breakfast cereal—anything in a bowl became her hat. She loved to roll in the mud and run in the rain. Coloring, she’d get marker all over her smiling face. Playing outside, she’d fall and scrape her knees—and get right back up again. She was proud of her Band-Aids and would happily pose for photos at her messiest moments. A phrase our parents often said was, “Oh, Suzanne!”

What has always stayed with me was how Suzanne, who was born with some health challenges and learning difficulties, could laugh at her mishaps and mistakes. She shook them off much more easily than her older sister ever did! She was younger than me—and she was teaching me. Some days I realize that, all these years later, I still have a lot to learn.

My children, as toddlers, were much like their aunt: cute little dirt magnets who fell and spilled and said “Oops!” all day long. Our washing machine was my best friend. I had to learn patience like all parents do. And I tried hard to echo the cheerful, reassuring words heard in preschools: “Accidents happen, and that’s okay!” I wanted my children to grow up understanding that messes and mistakes are part of life. We all make them, and we all have to try again (and again and again). Along the way, we build resilience, or the ability to recover from difficulties and face adversity—to bounce back.

One of my favorite things about my job as a writer is that I get to make books for toddlers and preschoolers. At that age, young children are seeking independence, wanting to try new things and be “big.” I love their take-chargeness. Some of their favorite phrases at this age are, “I do it” or “No, meeeee!” Sure, this tests your patience, but it’s incredibly rewarding to watch your child build physical and mental skills right in front of your eyes. While cheering your child on with a phrase like “Okay, try again,” you help to build the emotional skill of resiliency. That support from you is essential. It needs to happen every day.

I had all this in mind while writing Try-Again Time. This book for toddlers is like a mini-introduction to everyday resilience-building. As young children explore their world and learn new skills, we can support their growing curiosity and independence. Try-Again Time uses phrases that I hope can become part of your child’s daily experiences at home and school. Here are a few try-again-time phrases that let children know you’re rooting for them:

• “Mistakes are okay!”
• “Take it slow.”
• “Each try makes you smarter. Each try helps you get stronger.”
• And the three super words for children: “I’LL TRY AGAIN!”

This positive language draws attention to the process of learning, not the outcome. When used at home, such phrases offer a continued message of support for your children so they get some practice building their “resilience muscles.” Instead of only offering praise if a child gets something “right” (or close to it), focus on the learning-and-growing aspects of each effort: “Wow, your body is getting stronger.” “Look how you’re solving problems!” “Keep trying—I’m proud of you. Are you proud too?” You’ll teach the value of hard work and of bouncing back after mistakes.

Learning new skills takes time for children—and patience from you, of course. There will be days when you and your child both start to get frustrated. When this happens, you get to be an everyday kind of hero, someone who, instead of showing annoyance, takes a deep breath and makes a point of being a source of calm in the storm. That’s the moment when you can rise to the occasion and say, “I’m here to help. Let’s work together.” Offer a hug, a break, and a “try again” attitude. When you do, you’re modeling the resilience you want your child to build.

Since childhood, I’ve loved stories, and I grew up to be a writer and an avid reader of all kinds of children’s literature. I often say I could live in a bookstore. I earned an MFA in writing for children and young adults, and as part of my educational program I have read thousands of stories for kids of all ages. I believe that offering children both nonfiction and fiction books exposes them to a good mix of “how to” and “imagine if . . .” So, if you’re looking for picture books that touch on themes of trying, resiliency, and bouncing back from mistakes, I’d like to recommend a few that you can look for at your local library or bookseller.

The Magical Yet by Angela DiTerlizzi, illustrated by Lorena Alverez
A rhyming story that helps children see how to turn a negative into a positive. The “Yet” is a special companion we all have: Can’t tie your shoes? Yet! Can’t ride a bike? Yet! The “Yet” is there to help out anyone who’s still learning but willing to try.

 

Peep Leap by Elizabeth Verdick, illustrated by John Bendall-Brunello
A rhyming story that introduces readers to a baby wood duck who’s afraid to leave the nest and leap to the pond below, where his family awaits. Reassuring language cheers children on: “You’re braver than you know . . . get ready, get set, GO!” Readers learn the importance of taking leaps to grow.

 

Y Is for Yet: A Growth Mindset Alphabet by Shannon Anderson, illustrated by Jacob Souva
Mistakes aren’t just mistakes—they’re growth spurts. This book uses the ABCs as a framework to introduce a growth mindset. From Ability to Zany, kids learn new vocabulary that expands their view of themselves as learners.

 

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“How to Help Young Children Build Resilience” originally appeared at freespiritpublishingblog.com. Copyright © 2021 by Free Spirit Publishing. All rights reserved.

Here’s the scoop on Brian Biggs, an artist, a children’s book illustrator, and an avid biker. He illustrated my picture book Bike & Trike. He’s a colorful character, like the ones he draws. I loved interviewing him and learning more about his rides and creative side.

How many miles did you bike last year?

I rode 2,650 miles on my bikes in 2020. Which is about average for me, since 2014. I broke my ankle on December 12, 2020, while riding and didn’t ride again until March 2021, so it could have been more!

What was your favorite bike when you were a kid? And now?

My favorite bike as a kid was my first bike. My dad put it together and painted it red, white, and blue. It was the bicycle I learned to ride on. Our house was on a hill, and my dad would push us (my brother and sister learned to ride this way too) down the grassy slope and we’d “ride” into the backyard until we’d either fall down or crash into the swing set.

I currently have seven bikes, all of them assembled by me in my basement. I’m very picky about the parts—like handlebars, pedals, and tires—I choose for my bicycles, and because of the kind of riding I do, I like to make sure that everything works exactly the way I want it to. I even build my own wheels! My very favorite bike I own right now is a blue bicycle that was designed and welded by my friend Mark Weaver. It was a 50th birthday present to myself, and he and I planned every detail of it, specifically for what I wanted.

What can you share about the process of drawing my book Bike & Trike?

Bike & Trike was not an easy book to illustrate. As soon as I read your script, I knew it would be hard to give personality and emotion to these two inanimate objects. I didn’t want to go the route of a lot of cartoons and movies and give Bike and Trike eyes and mouths, especially because we had the human characters of Lulu and Tru riding them, which I felt would seem strange. So I had to figure out how to make subtle things like the angle of the frame, or the tassels on the handlebars, express surprise or anxiety. This is where the fact that I really like and know a lot about bikes helped. I could bend and turn and exaggerate certain things about Bike and about Trike, and still have the anatomy of the bike work. But it wasn’t easy.

How did you decide what Bike would look like?

Since Bike is a present for Lulu, I wanted him to be special. Fenders and lights and tassels and a horn. A classic bike, a little like we had growing up in the ’70s, but not an antique. I didn’t see Lulu in a bike outfit racing a road bike, or getting all rad on a mountain bike, so I stuck with the timeless look.

What inspired how you drew Trike?

Trike might be well-used and a bit worn in places, but it wasn’t long ago that he too was the shiny new thing. He has a bell, a little rusty but it still ring-a-lings loud and clear, and he has tassels too, though one or two might be missing. I actually ordered a small red toy tricycle to use for reference for Trike, and that drove a lot of the choices I made in drawing him.

How would you describe your artistic style?

Ha, ha—a lot of people describe it for me with terms like “fun” and “cartoony.” I usually like big, bold lines and bright colors and a lot of visual humor. I really like just drawing, so even though a lot of my books are made with a computer, including Bike & Trike, I spend a lot of time drawing them with pencil and pen and ink, first. That’s my favorite part.

What is your studio like?

It’s an old garage here in Philadelphia, a short distance from my house. My studio is a place where I like to go and play, but it’s set up so that work gets done. I spend a lot of time alone there, making things, being creative, but mostly really working. When I was a kid, I dreamed about having a space full of art supplies and books, and room to make stuff. Now I have that, and I can play music as loud as I want while I’m drawing, and I can take a break to read a favorite picture book. It gets too cold in the wintertime, but otherwise it’s perfect.

What is your workday like?

It’s different depending on what I’m working on and how close the deadline is. Right now, I’m thick in the middle of a book I’ve been working on for a long time, and it’s at an exciting but difficult place for me. So I leave the house after spending the morning answering emails and walking the dog, head to the studio, and figure out what problem I need to solve. Currently, that problem is how to draw a purple octopus (yes, for real) for a book I’m writing and illustrating called My Hero (Dial, 2022) so I turn on some “purple octopus” music, or a podcast, and start drawing. If I’m writing a book or thinking about a new story, I might not go to the studio at all. You might actually see me out riding my bike in the middle of nowhere, but I promise you that I’m carrying a small sketchbook and a pencil, and I’m thinking about ideas. I’m working.

How many miles do you think you’ve biked in your lifetime?

Hmmm, that’s a good question. I rode bikes like typical people most of my life. Meaning, I didn’t ride bikes much at all. I had bikes as a kid, and I rode all over my neighborhood. I had a bicycle my first year of college (1986-87) at North Texas State University, where I rode around the nearby farmland. (I later got my degree from Parsons School of Design in NYC.) I had a bike for a few years when I lived in San Francisco in the 1990s, and I would ride it to the ocean, or around town a little (but the hills!). And then I rode mountain bikes on the weekends when I moved to Philadelphia, where I now live. It wasn’t until 2013 that I really got into bikes and started riding the amount of time and miles that I do now. I’ve ridden 17,500 miles (!!) since 2014, and my guess is that I rode less than 3,000 miles all the years combined up to then (1968-2013). So, let’s say 20,000 total.

Are you more like the character Bike or more like Trike?

Well, I think I’m like both at different times. When my kids were young, I was more like Trike: “Be careful!” “Slow down!” “Watch where you’re going.” But now that they’ve grown and are out on their own, I’m probably a little more like Bike: “Hey, look at me jump over this giant rock!” I mean, no one was really surprised when I broke my ankle in 2020, while riding my bike. My doctor just rolled her eyes.

Check out the “Downloadables” section of my website for Bike & Trike activities!